“Feeling unworthy goes hand in hand with feeling separate from others, separate from life. If we are defective, how can we possibly belong? It’s a vicious cycle: The more deficient we feel, the more separate and vulnerable we feel. Underneath our fear of being flawed is a more primal fear that something is wrong with life, that something bad is going to happen. Our reaction to this fear is to feel blame, even hatred, toward whatever we consider the source of the problem: ourselves, others, life itself. But even when we have directed our aversion outward, deep down we still feel vulnerable.” Tara Brach: Radical Acceptance: Awakening the Love that Heals Fear and Shame.
“I have come to prize each emerging facet of my experience, of myself. I would like to treasure the feelings of anger, tenderness and shame and hurt and love and anxiety and giving and fear- all the positive and negative reactions that crop up. I would like to treasure the ideas that emerge – foolish, creative, bizarre, sound, trivial – all part of me. I like the behavioural impulses – appropriate, crazy, achievement-oriented, sexual, murderous. I want to accept all of these feelings, ideas, and impulses as an enriching part of me. I don’t’ expect to act on all of them, but when I accept them all, I can be more real; my behaviour, therefore, will be much more appropriate to the immediate situation” Carl R. Rogers: A Way of Being.
Do you embark on one self-improvement project after another?
Do you hold back and play safe rather than risk failure?
Do you find it difficult to stay in the present moment?
Do you keep busy?
Are you your own worst critic?
Do you focus on other people’s faults?
Do you feel you are a bad person because of ways you behave?
Counselling and psychotherapy can help!